Sunday, August 12, 2007

No Clothes for Justin

Here's an interesting anecdote about my son, shopping patterns in North Jersey, and why I hate the Red Sox.

Like many of the good wives of Yankee fans in October of 2004, Janet did her part to divert my attention from the postseason that never should have existed. Subsequently, we then began expecting the arrival of a future Yankee fan in July of 2005.

Justin's due date of July 8th came and passed. A week passed and we started getting nervous. The Yanks and Sox were locked into another battle for AL supremecy and began a 4 game series in Fenway on Thursday the 14th. On Friday night we tuned in to watch rookie Tim Redding take on old man David Wells. It was ugly from the start with the Sox scoring 3 in the first and 5 in the second on their way to a 17-1 drubbing. It was literally enough to send a pregnant woman into labor.

Upon arriving to the hospital we found that this scenario was not uncommon in North Jersey as a bumper crop of young Yankee fans were brought into the world that fateful weekend. Rooms were so scarce that after the c-section to deliver Justin, Janet was placed in a supply closet/office for recovery. When the office needed to be used in the morning she was moved to a larger room in which two other ladies were in the process of giving birth! Thankfully the Yankees took 3 out of 4 that weekend and effectively closed the door on the Sox. I thought that was the end of this nightmarish scenario which the Red Sox hoisted upon the Yankee Universe.

However, in a particularly evil twist, I have come to realize that the events of October 2004 did not end at the hospital in the summer of 2005. Each season, as we attempt to buy new clothes for Justin back in Jersey, there is one size which is ALWAYS short on supply. The spike in births due to the most painful October in memory has made it nearly impossible to clothe my son in anything other than cheap, Wal-Mart rags. It is a realization which only increases my bitterness with time and that is why I hate the Red Sox with every fiber of my being.


Michael in New York said...

And China! If they would work their child labor harder, YOUR child could get cheaper clothes in any size you wanted.

Jewcie G. said...

So you're saying that if the tragic events of 10/04 hadn't happened and the Yanks had won that series than your wife would have had the baby aborted by Chuck Norris in a back alley using only his beard? You're a sick man Pete.

Michael in New York said...

Chuck Norris can do that, you know.

priv8pete said...

If the tragic events of 10/04 hadn't happened, I'd be able to find clothes for my kid instead of sending him out like a member of the Seneca nation circa 1843.