Here's the first email sent to the Yankees (and bonus points for saying "sloughing," Bruce):
To Whom It May Concern,
My name is Bruce and I am a lifetime New Yorker and Yankee fan. I currently split season tickets in Section 39 (the right field bleachers). I am sending this missive for a single purpose: To beg you to not re-sign A-Rod. All of my reasons have been said before and there is no reason to reiterate them. All you need to know is that if you do this blatantly harmful act, then you will have not yet lost a fan, but will certainly accelerate the sloughing of my fanhood. This will ultimately leave you with one less fan and about two thousand dollars less a season.